Las Dos Caras de Romney

Granpa wanted five more wives, so they moved to Mexico, hills, that Is...

By Guadalupe Gonzalez, Contributing Writer
Published on LatinoLA: September 18, 2012

Las Dos Caras de Romney

I am fascinated by, not him, HIM! El Jefe Romney.

There are so many facets to his persona. First, the most obvious to me: The greying and un-greying of his sideburns. When the campaign wants him to look young and vigorous, they use a teensy bit more of Lady (or is it Lord?) Clairol.

Thus, his hair is darker, giving the appearance of a man who had his five (count 'em -- five) sons with one wife when he was twelve. Must have been rough, being Mormon and all. Just sayin'...

Then, when it is time to look all Presidential-like (POTUS to those in the know), the grey creeps up a little bit more.

Oh, nobody knows the troubles he has dealt with...Marrying his high school sweetheart who converted so she could be with him forever and (like Buzz Lightyear) beyond.

Having those rough times while in school, financial troubles, just like you and me. Oh, wait a minute. NOT like you and me. I do not have a portfolio with all my stocks and bonds and investments. Do you? I did not think so.

Willard Romney and the Romneyette had portfolios. And guess what? They almost, almost had to dip in to their hard-earned money (well, somebody worked hard for it, we just do not know who) to make ends meet. Like her pretty bouffant hairdo and mani/pedi. Like his absolutely fave Chevy that was totally cherry all the time. Books? Nah. Tutors? Nah. Clothes for classes? Nah.

Lookit -- some people have priorities, man. And for a girl like Ann, well, she needed her headbands so her hair would not go all akimbo when she did her sedate version of the Frug.

And so now, here we have the nieto of the polygamist, who fled to Mexico so he could have his pick of the se??oritas. (The abuelo fled, we just have the sangre de atole nieto.) Willard, aka "Mitt" -- how could he have a moniker? Are there any tatts? Like La Virgencita or "Mama", "Mama", "Mama","Mama","Mama", "Mama" or maybe "Sad Girl?"

So here we have el Mitt, running/limping/skipping for President. And yesterday he speaks to Latinos and non-Latinos. He speaks to the very very muy ricos Republicanos and tells them he wishes he were Latino, because maybe he would have a "shot at it" (the Presidency.)

Then, Mittito goes to the Latinos and tells them how wonderful they are and how much he wants them to vote for him, because his Abuelito sensual was Latino. This, on a day when polls show that Latinos like President Obama 47% more than Mittito. Maybe we Latinos have been listening when Mittito says, "I like to fire people." And "Those people just do not get it." Maybe we Latinos are getting the big picture: We are the majority and if:

*1) we register to vote

*2) we show up at the polling place with our PICTURE IDENTIFICATION

*3) we either get our document to vote OR

----------we call the League of Women Voters after taking names (but before kicking ass)

----------we call the police

----------we call television stations

----------we ignore the stupid torquato standing at the back of the room, looking all intimidating

We must be brave. [i]Tenemos que estar al pie del canon! "?íSi se Puede!"

About Guadalupe Gonzalez, Contributing Writer:
Snarky Political Analyst and Los Angeles Attorney

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